Friday, March 4, 2011

Checking In

I am hoping to blog more this weekend, but just a quick not to let you know I haven't done a runner!  :)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Way Things are Done

In my family and in my life, things are best left to be done last minute.  Got a project due tomorrow that you have known about for two weeks?  Need to pass a final that is tomorrow and you haven't started studying?  Find out you are 30 weeks pregnant?  Yeah, that is how I roll.

Let me tell you the story of Monkey (my four year old boy).  Back in May 2006, about two days after I graduated college, I was laying on the bed watching TV.  I felt something move in my stomach.  It kinda felt like bubbles, but it wasn't a sensation I have ever felt.  So, I sent DBH over to Walgreens to get a pregnancy test.  Positive.  Ok, so I was pregnant.  The thing was, I wasn't supposed to be able to GET pregnant.  I have PCOS which is an infertility disorder (and keeps me from ovulating).  I was always told I could get pregnant with "help" but it would be hard for me to carry a pregnancy to term.  Since I am a bigger lady, I couldn't tell I was pregnant by looking.

One week later I finally get a sonogram done.  The results?  I am about 30 weeks along.  They don't really know my exact due date, but I am told the middle/end of August.  Yeah.  Panic.

Well, it wasn't the middle of August, heck it wasn't even the middle or the beginning of August.  Monkey decided to come at the end of JULY.  So, I knew I was pregnant for six weeks.  I will wait while you process that information.

Back with me?  Yes, six weeks after finding out I was pregnant and graduating college I had a newborn.  Thank goodness I actually managed to graduate first! lol  Monkey was born weighing 6 lbs 11 oz. and said to be four weeks early.  Mom tends to think he was a little earlier than that.  But, who am I to know?

I am sure Monkey will carry on the family tradition of procrastination.  After all, he did wait until six weeks before being born to let me know he was in there.

Friday, February 25, 2011


There is no way to admit to this to make me look like less of a dork, so I will just come out and say it.  I cut my lip last night.  With what, you may ask?  A razor.  Seriously.

No, I am not a man.  Let me give you a little background information.  I have a medical condition called Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Besides PCOS giving me the opportunity to get fatter by the day, darking skin, and infertility, I have the honor of facial hair.  No, not the baby fine hair most women have.  I am talking about full on thick granny whiskers.  Nice.  Thankfully it isn't a full on beard.

So, back to the story.  Last night I noticed a few granny hairs on my upper lip.  I was tired and didn't fell like plucking, so I picked up my leg shaver.  Now, I am not a novice, I have done this many times and NEVER managed to cut myself.  Well, until last night.

While, it is just a nick, it hurt like crazy and wouldn't stop bleeding.  I went to bed with a band-aid on my lip.  It was still bleeding this morning.  When I got to school, it had thankfully stopped.  As I had to talk/teach all day, it kept starting to bleed again.

On the way home from school, I took a picture, see below.

Yeah, not a flattering pic.  Notice the red bump above my lip.

So, this picture does not do it justice.  Seriously, I should have a crater on my face for the pain this caused.

I had to come up with an excuse for the people at school.  Imagine telling 125 sixth graders you cut you lip shaving?  Not. Going. To. Happen.   So, I had to come up with a cover story.  It had to be believable, at least by sixth graders.  My cat did it.  Yeah, that is the ticket.  After all, didn't the dog eat their homework?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Internet Window Shopping

Being a SSBBW (super size BBW) I can't go into the mall or even Wal-Mart and find much that fits me.  I have success with Fashion Bug, but the only one for miles around is closing.  Sigh.  So, in an effort to acquaint myself with the web's offerings, today was spent internet window shopping.  A day when I filled many virtual shopping carts full of stuff I would love to own.  Knowing full well I wouldn't pull the trigger and purchase any of it.  Truth be told, I have spent way to much lately on accessories and clothes (I hit Fashion Bug every weekend until it closes to score cheap stuff).

Due to it being President's Day weekend (here in the US) there are lots of sales out there.   One of the sites, Yours Clothing, is a UK based (so all the USA ladies watch that sizing chart!) plus - sized clothing store.  Right now they are having INCREDIBLE sales.  Their clearance stuff is amazing.  I love this t-shirt and it is only $3.  I wish the hem wasn't asymmetrical though, that look isn't too flattering on me.  Their sale is running through midnight 2/21.

I LOVE this shirt and it is only $3 today!  I wish I had the nerve to wear something like this!

Even though I am trying to love my body the way it is, I still don't want to look like a sausage stuffed in my clothes or have rolls hanging out.  Regardless of the people that say "Wear what you want" or "Forget what other people think" it just isn't that easy.  I will never ever EVER wear tube tops or sleeveless shirts (without a cardi or a shrug).  I most likely will not wear dresses or skirts, but I long to.  Maybe someday I will be able to wear what I WANT, not what I THINK I should.

I am currently taking baby steps to help myself really like my body.  I am actually spending money on myself.  I am done with feeling guilty about buying myself a shirt or some new makeup.  I work hard to earn money, so I deserve to spend some on myself.  Since I don't have credit cards, I never have to be worried about overspending, I can only spend what I have.  :)

To help me like my appearance more, I have bought some accessories (a few necklaces and earrings) so far and am currently on the lookout for more.  I am seeking a cheap outlet to get plus-sized necklaces and bracelets (meaning longer necklaces and bracelets).  So, if you know of a great go-to place, please let me know!

I have also started wearing makeup again.  There once was a time that I wouldn't leave the house without my makeup, but I have gotten into the habit of washing my face and going.  I have to give up that extra 15 minutes of sleep and jump into makeup again.  

Monday, February 14, 2011

A SWEET School Day

Yes, it is Valentine's Day. I am not a sappy romantic kind of girl.  While I love a great piece of jewelry, flowers and candy aren't my thing.  I just can't see spending so much money for something that wilts away or is eaten.  Saying that, I was so overjoyed to get a few treats from my sixth grade students today.  It isn't the fact that they gave me something (or how much it is worth).

I gladly accepted my mini heart shaped box of chocolates and my mega sized Hershey bar.  The thrill I got was from seeing their faces light up with joy when their gift was given.  It really touched me that these kids thought about me and took time to get me anything at all.  I would have been just as pleased with a handmade card or even a scribbled note.

Monkey also had his first Valentine's Day experience at school.  He came home with a bag full of treats and treasures.  I have carefully separated the treats from the cards and I will keep them for him.  

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Crazy Teacher

So, I am a middle school teacher, and a math teacher at that!  For as long as I can remember, I have loved math.  It makes me happy that I can find the solution to a problem using logic.  Besides loving math, I genuinely love being a teacher.  I can truthfully say that I love each of my 110 students and look forward to seeing them each day.  It fills my heart with joy to get that "light bulb" moment when a kid finally gets it.

Like I said, I love teaching, that is when I can actually teach.  There are days that I feel nothing but a babysitter "Sit down, Johnny",  "Johnny leave Sally alone", "Johnny that is not appropriate" blah blah blah.  The students are taking a test tomorrow using proportions to find percents, scale factor, similar figures, and indirect measurement.  We spent today trying to review for the test.  When I say trying, I mean I was trying to teach and they were trying me.  While I fully realize that they are "just sixth graders" and "only kids", but these kids have been in school for 7-8 years - which means that they have spent over 1,200 days in school (what can I say?  I love stats - I am a math teacher! lol).  These kids know how to behave but simply just don't care to.

This apathy, this lack of caring if they learn and frankly refusing to learn is disheartening and extremely frustrating to me.  I had managed to keep a tight reign on my frustration, but by seventh period I was tired of being talked over, disrespected and ignored, so I cried.  Seriously, I was so frustrated that I couldn't control myself and just started to cry.  I.WAS.DONE.  I felt so foolish, but when I am frustrated I cry.  Immediately the room grew quiet.  I softly explained that I was so frustrated that I couldn't teach them.  I must have talked to them for five minutes, explaining why I was so frustrated.  I talked about how I love teaching, but they aren't allowing me to teach.  I talked about how they are choosing to squander their education and basically waste their sixth grade year without learning anything.

Do I think they understand how it disheartens me to see them waste their education?  I don't know if my short soapbox session has any long term affect on them, but I did see the short term effect.  For the thirty minutes we had left, they listened.  It was bliss!  The students really listened.  One girl said "Oh, I get it now!"  She was truly excited and it warmed my heart.  I smiled at her and said "See, when you listen it is so much easier.  It is like magic!"

At the end of the period I did apologize to the students for crying, I still felt (and feel) silly for crying.  Most of the students then said they should be apologizing to me for what they had been doing.  Will this change their behavior?  I don't know.  They only thing I know for sure now is that they see I am human and there are consequences for their actions.  Even if those consequences happen to someone else. 

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Socially Acceptable Hate?

As I have said before, I am fat (heavy, overweight, a BBW whatever you want to call it).  Now, I don't want this blog to focus on fat, fat-acceptance, losing weight etc, but something I saw today irked me enough that I needed to come here and vent.

When did it become socially acceptable to make fun of fat people?  I was out and about doing my shopping and saw a car in front of me with a bumper sticker that said "No Fatties".  There are so many things wrong with this bumper sticker.  Let's start with the fact that this person felt it necessary to put into writing his hatred of a certain subset of people.  Now, I fully understand that not every person wants to date a woman or a man of size, but why on earth would you put it on a BUMPER STICKER?

As a fat woman, this sticker upset me.  I would hope that ANY woman that saw this sticker would steer clear of this "man".  What self-respecting woman would want to be with a man that for unknown reasons needs to profess the fact that he hates people?

I might not find men with beards attractive, but I am not going to make up a sign that says "No Beardies", I just wouldn't date them.  Is a "man" that needs a bumper sticker like this over compensating for something, feeling repressed desires for "fatties" or just a jerk?

Yes, I am fat, but I am a PERSON, I have feelings, dreams, desires.  I am not a lazy person, but I do have a medical condition that makes me gain weight quickly and have a hard time losing it.

I am fat, I have ALWAYS been fat and even if I lose weight, I will probably always be fat.  I am not here to please you, so if you don't like the way I look, then don't look at me.  I will not give you the power to depress me or make me want to stay shut in at home because I am worried about what people think.  I am lucky to have found DBH that loves me for ME and not the way I look.  So, I wonder when people will finally get the fact that it isn't ok to make fun of anyone for any reason?

This is the car decal I would hope my DBH would sport:
Go here to purchase this decal!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Online Shopping Spree

I got an email from OneStopPlus advertising 40% off all clearance prices.  I love this store - it goes up to a size 44W.  If you want to take advantage of the sale, use code OSPWEEKEND40.  They have shirts starting at about $4.  It is only good this weekend (1/22 - 1/23), so you gotta be quick!

I managed to snag a few things (seven to be exact) for about $45 including shipping.  Here is what I got:
One pair of panties (just looked cute and were cheap):  $2.87
One black pair of sandals:  $7.26
One natural color pair of sandals:  $7.26
One rouge colored plaid shirt:  $8.69
One blue lagoon colored handkerchief style striped shirt:  $9.59
One vintage rose colored t-shirt:  $3.29
One avocado green colored t-shirt: $3.29

With shipping ($6.99) it came to $45.76.  That is a steal for shirts in size 30/32 and two pair of wide width sandals.  You have no idea how hard it is to find sandals for me due to my wide width feet!

Pay It Forward

I got this idea from Hester.

Even though I only have 4 followers at this point, I promise something handmade to the FIRST 5 people who leave a comment here. So, if you are just joining the party and see an open space (even if it is June! lol) you can comment and get in on the fun!

The rules are that it must be handmade (or homemade) by you and it must be sent to your 5 people some time in 2011. To be eligible, you must re-post this status, offering something handmade to 5 other people.  Ready, set, GO!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Feeling Good and Somewhat Peeved?

Since today was grocery shopping day, my two sisters, my son, my niece and I all piled into my tiny car to set out.  I was feeling pretty good as I had taken the time to put some makeup on and that always makes me feel a little more confident.  First stop of the day was Dollar Tree.  I wanted to check out the hair accessories and see if they had any cute jewelry or anything.  I struck out on the jewelry, but did find a few hair accessories.  I scored two Goody's hair bands that retail for about $4 at Wal-Mart.  I am tired of doing nothing with my hair, so I am going to work hard to incorporate different hair styles.

We stopped at Steak N Shake which is my favorite place to eat (and cheap - my meal and John's meal came to a total of $7.77).  Although it wasn't the healthiest thing I could eat, I did better.  I ate half of my meal and was satisfied.  I am under no illusion that I am going to be stick thin (and don't know if I want to be), but I can make better choices - which I am doing!

I thought I could find some cheap fashion jewelry at Wal-Mart, and I did find a few things I liked, but they were all $10 and I decided I would wait for clearance or look around online.

While looking on ebay for some steals/deals, I ran across the following auction:

Ebay Highway Robbery
Do you see it??  I almost choked on my Coke Zero.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  $60 freaking dollars to "economy ship" from within the US??  You. Can. Keep. Them!  I understand what they are doing - seriously I am a seller too.  They are trying to get around paying the listing fees and auction ending fees.  When I see someone want $4.95 to ship a pair of earrings, I am fine with that, but $60??  So these sellers think that a pair of sterling silver earnings with a few garnets (NOT DIAMONDS or anything) are worth over $60?  I seriously think that Ebay needs to put a stop to this.  I am fine with paying a little to cover the packaging and the seller's time, but there is no way on earth that is appropriate!  I wonder how many people get suckered into a "cheap" auction and then realize the shipping is out of the world high!?!?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole

Every once in a while I manage to fall down the rabbit hole - internet wise.  I always like to look at the blogs that the people I am "following" follow (does that make sense?  lol)  And it led me to an interesting rabbit hole - one I have been in for the past few days.

It started out innocently enough, I found a plus-size fashion blog.  Well, as I have said before, I am fat so naturally I was interested in what it has to say.  Over the past three days I have ready every plus-sized fashion blog I can get my hands on.  Most of them wear stuff I would never be comfortable wearing, but I do admire them (and secretly wish I has the nerve to wear fun and fashionable stuff).

If you are not fat (plus-size, obese, chunky, chubby whatever you want to call it), you may not know how hard it is to find clothes in my size (or any size over a 12).  I am a size 30/32 right now so that makes it exponentially harder!  While I have found some great web sites that cater to the full figured, I can not afford to buy new clothes right now.  But I have been inspired to try to accessorize and glam up my current clothes.  I have never been a frilly girl - I like to sleep for an extra 10 minutes rather than put make up on.  But I am going to try to take a little time for me and make myself feel pretty and put together.

I have been scouring ebay for cheap accessories, but haven't had much luck.  It makes it harder because I need an 8 inch bracelet and can't wear necklaces that are less than 20 inches.  I am not going to give up, I will manage to find cute/fun/cheap accessories.  (If you have any go to places, please let me know!)

After that "fat fashion" blogs, I fell down another rabbit hole - although it is closely related to "fat fashion".  This hole was all about Fat Acceptance or FA.  Let me just tell you that I truly admire these ladies that have learned to love themselves - fat thighs and rolls and all.  I am going to work on my love for me as well as working on my weight.  There is no way I will ever be a size 2 (but then I am not sure I would WANT to be that skinny), but I can be smaller and healthier.  I would love to be a size 14/16 or 18/20.  I know that is still huge to some, but to me, it is a goal and is attainable.  I just want to be able to move and enjoy life and at this point I am not enjoying being like this.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Road Not Taken

I have been in a great mood today!  I really need to work on being more upbeat on a daily basis.  Today, even mouthy sixth graders managed to make me laugh.  That has got to say something! lol

On my hour commute home, I got to thinking about a poem I learned in 9th grade English class.  I was offered the elusive "extra credit" if I memorized it.  I worked for hours that week, reading the poem over and over.  Finally, I managed to memorize it (well enough to satisfy my teacher that is).  The poem I am referring to is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.  Even though parts of it are hazy, I still remember the sentiment and most of the words.  

The poem got me pondering my current situation (work, life, etc) and I came to a startling conclusion.  Even though I didn't choose the road I am on, I am happy where it is taking me! I can see that things will change and I needed to change some major things to get the ball rolling.  So, the end of last school year, I was forced kicking and screaming down the road less traveled, but I believe it was truly the road I was meant to be on.  While the track I am on might not be my final destination, it is a means to an end and I am truly thankful for it!

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Bring It

So, it begins.  A brand new shiny year full of hope, dreams, and expectations.  This year, I will not sit back and wait for good things.  This year will be different.  This year I will finally be an active participant in my life.  If I want change, well then I gotta change!  Seems simple?  We shall see.

Five years doesn't seem so long, but thinking back five years I was a different person in a very different place.  I didn't have my son, wasn't a teacher, was living in Orlando in a condo, both my Grandmother and Father were alive.  So many good things and negative things have happened in such a short time.  It brings me hope to think about where I (and my family) could be in 5 years.  That is what will keep me changing.