Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Way Things are Done

In my family and in my life, things are best left to be done last minute.  Got a project due tomorrow that you have known about for two weeks?  Need to pass a final that is tomorrow and you haven't started studying?  Find out you are 30 weeks pregnant?  Yeah, that is how I roll.

Let me tell you the story of Monkey (my four year old boy).  Back in May 2006, about two days after I graduated college, I was laying on the bed watching TV.  I felt something move in my stomach.  It kinda felt like bubbles, but it wasn't a sensation I have ever felt.  So, I sent DBH over to Walgreens to get a pregnancy test.  Positive.  Ok, so I was pregnant.  The thing was, I wasn't supposed to be able to GET pregnant.  I have PCOS which is an infertility disorder (and keeps me from ovulating).  I was always told I could get pregnant with "help" but it would be hard for me to carry a pregnancy to term.  Since I am a bigger lady, I couldn't tell I was pregnant by looking.

One week later I finally get a sonogram done.  The results?  I am about 30 weeks along.  They don't really know my exact due date, but I am told the middle/end of August.  Yeah.  Panic.

Well, it wasn't the middle of August, heck it wasn't even the middle or the beginning of August.  Monkey decided to come at the end of JULY.  So, I knew I was pregnant for six weeks.  I will wait while you process that information.

Back with me?  Yes, six weeks after finding out I was pregnant and graduating college I had a newborn.  Thank goodness I actually managed to graduate first! lol  Monkey was born weighing 6 lbs 11 oz. and said to be four weeks early.  Mom tends to think he was a little earlier than that.  But, who am I to know?

I am sure Monkey will carry on the family tradition of procrastination.  After all, he did wait until six weeks before being born to let me know he was in there.

Friday, February 25, 2011


There is no way to admit to this to make me look like less of a dork, so I will just come out and say it.  I cut my lip last night.  With what, you may ask?  A razor.  Seriously.

No, I am not a man.  Let me give you a little background information.  I have a medical condition called Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Besides PCOS giving me the opportunity to get fatter by the day, darking skin, and infertility, I have the honor of facial hair.  No, not the baby fine hair most women have.  I am talking about full on thick granny whiskers.  Nice.  Thankfully it isn't a full on beard.

So, back to the story.  Last night I noticed a few granny hairs on my upper lip.  I was tired and didn't fell like plucking, so I picked up my leg shaver.  Now, I am not a novice, I have done this many times and NEVER managed to cut myself.  Well, until last night.

While, it is just a nick, it hurt like crazy and wouldn't stop bleeding.  I went to bed with a band-aid on my lip.  It was still bleeding this morning.  When I got to school, it had thankfully stopped.  As I had to talk/teach all day, it kept starting to bleed again.

On the way home from school, I took a picture, see below.

Yeah, not a flattering pic.  Notice the red bump above my lip.

So, this picture does not do it justice.  Seriously, I should have a crater on my face for the pain this caused.

I had to come up with an excuse for the people at school.  Imagine telling 125 sixth graders you cut you lip shaving?  Not. Going. To. Happen.   So, I had to come up with a cover story.  It had to be believable, at least by sixth graders.  My cat did it.  Yeah, that is the ticket.  After all, didn't the dog eat their homework?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Internet Window Shopping

Being a SSBBW (super size BBW) I can't go into the mall or even Wal-Mart and find much that fits me.  I have success with Fashion Bug, but the only one for miles around is closing.  Sigh.  So, in an effort to acquaint myself with the web's offerings, today was spent internet window shopping.  A day when I filled many virtual shopping carts full of stuff I would love to own.  Knowing full well I wouldn't pull the trigger and purchase any of it.  Truth be told, I have spent way to much lately on accessories and clothes (I hit Fashion Bug every weekend until it closes to score cheap stuff).

Due to it being President's Day weekend (here in the US) there are lots of sales out there.   One of the sites, Yours Clothing, is a UK based (so all the USA ladies watch that sizing chart!) plus - sized clothing store.  Right now they are having INCREDIBLE sales.  Their clearance stuff is amazing.  I love this t-shirt and it is only $3.  I wish the hem wasn't asymmetrical though, that look isn't too flattering on me.  Their sale is running through midnight 2/21.

I LOVE this shirt and it is only $3 today!  I wish I had the nerve to wear something like this!

Even though I am trying to love my body the way it is, I still don't want to look like a sausage stuffed in my clothes or have rolls hanging out.  Regardless of the people that say "Wear what you want" or "Forget what other people think" it just isn't that easy.  I will never ever EVER wear tube tops or sleeveless shirts (without a cardi or a shrug).  I most likely will not wear dresses or skirts, but I long to.  Maybe someday I will be able to wear what I WANT, not what I THINK I should.

I am currently taking baby steps to help myself really like my body.  I am actually spending money on myself.  I am done with feeling guilty about buying myself a shirt or some new makeup.  I work hard to earn money, so I deserve to spend some on myself.  Since I don't have credit cards, I never have to be worried about overspending, I can only spend what I have.  :)

To help me like my appearance more, I have bought some accessories (a few necklaces and earrings) so far and am currently on the lookout for more.  I am seeking a cheap outlet to get plus-sized necklaces and bracelets (meaning longer necklaces and bracelets).  So, if you know of a great go-to place, please let me know!

I have also started wearing makeup again.  There once was a time that I wouldn't leave the house without my makeup, but I have gotten into the habit of washing my face and going.  I have to give up that extra 15 minutes of sleep and jump into makeup again.  

Monday, February 14, 2011

A SWEET School Day

Yes, it is Valentine's Day. I am not a sappy romantic kind of girl.  While I love a great piece of jewelry, flowers and candy aren't my thing.  I just can't see spending so much money for something that wilts away or is eaten.  Saying that, I was so overjoyed to get a few treats from my sixth grade students today.  It isn't the fact that they gave me something (or how much it is worth).

I gladly accepted my mini heart shaped box of chocolates and my mega sized Hershey bar.  The thrill I got was from seeing their faces light up with joy when their gift was given.  It really touched me that these kids thought about me and took time to get me anything at all.  I would have been just as pleased with a handmade card or even a scribbled note.

Monkey also had his first Valentine's Day experience at school.  He came home with a bag full of treats and treasures.  I have carefully separated the treats from the cards and I will keep them for him.  

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Crazy Teacher

So, I am a middle school teacher, and a math teacher at that!  For as long as I can remember, I have loved math.  It makes me happy that I can find the solution to a problem using logic.  Besides loving math, I genuinely love being a teacher.  I can truthfully say that I love each of my 110 students and look forward to seeing them each day.  It fills my heart with joy to get that "light bulb" moment when a kid finally gets it.

Like I said, I love teaching, that is when I can actually teach.  There are days that I feel nothing but a babysitter "Sit down, Johnny",  "Johnny leave Sally alone", "Johnny that is not appropriate" blah blah blah.  The students are taking a test tomorrow using proportions to find percents, scale factor, similar figures, and indirect measurement.  We spent today trying to review for the test.  When I say trying, I mean I was trying to teach and they were trying me.  While I fully realize that they are "just sixth graders" and "only kids", but these kids have been in school for 7-8 years - which means that they have spent over 1,200 days in school (what can I say?  I love stats - I am a math teacher! lol).  These kids know how to behave but simply just don't care to.

This apathy, this lack of caring if they learn and frankly refusing to learn is disheartening and extremely frustrating to me.  I had managed to keep a tight reign on my frustration, but by seventh period I was tired of being talked over, disrespected and ignored, so I cried.  Seriously, I was so frustrated that I couldn't control myself and just started to cry.  I.WAS.DONE.  I felt so foolish, but when I am frustrated I cry.  Immediately the room grew quiet.  I softly explained that I was so frustrated that I couldn't teach them.  I must have talked to them for five minutes, explaining why I was so frustrated.  I talked about how I love teaching, but they aren't allowing me to teach.  I talked about how they are choosing to squander their education and basically waste their sixth grade year without learning anything.

Do I think they understand how it disheartens me to see them waste their education?  I don't know if my short soapbox session has any long term affect on them, but I did see the short term effect.  For the thirty minutes we had left, they listened.  It was bliss!  The students really listened.  One girl said "Oh, I get it now!"  She was truly excited and it warmed my heart.  I smiled at her and said "See, when you listen it is so much easier.  It is like magic!"

At the end of the period I did apologize to the students for crying, I still felt (and feel) silly for crying.  Most of the students then said they should be apologizing to me for what they had been doing.  Will this change their behavior?  I don't know.  They only thing I know for sure now is that they see I am human and there are consequences for their actions.  Even if those consequences happen to someone else.